


Someday you will find me

by aparentlyimnotagallagher



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian Gallagher, Paralysis, War, aftermath of war, broken ian, mickey will fix him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-05 04:46:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10297826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aparentlyimnotagallagher/pseuds/aparentlyimnotagallagher
Summary: ian comes home from the army after his second tour. it has been 7 years since he left Mickey, he had been badly injured. Mickey and Ian have spoken a lot over the last 3 years. he had come home for a few weeks after his first tour and they spent a lot of time trying to fix what went wrong. Mickey divorced Svetlana after Terry died 4 years ago and Mickey was free from his biggest nightmare.will they be able to fix eachother like they once had?





	1. Chapter 1

Ian got of the plane and was greeted by Lip and Carl. He didn't smile. He didn't hug them. He just wheeled by them. No one said anything. They just followed him. He wanted to say hello and hug them but deep inside he was ashamed. He was a fucking cripple. His hip was shattered and he couldn't walk, it happened after he was blown up in a road side bomb, his hip was shattered after a large piece of shrapnel lodged into his hip and it was not safe enough to try and replace it. He tried to convince them to fix it but they said it could lead to him having to have his Left leg removed due to where the artery was.

Lip got put to the car and opened the back door. He went to help Ian into the car but he pushed lip away and mumbled 'I can do It' lip backed off. Carl also got in the car.  
"Fiona had a ramp put in out back so you can get in and out" Carl said. He was a man now. He was 22 and looked a lot like lip but somehow more manly. Ian grunted.  
"We um... We put a bed in the living room for you too. Coz of the stairs and shit" Lip said. Ian turned and looked out the window.  
"Debbie and Liam made you a huge dinner, all of your favourites." Carl said.  
"Ok. I'm in a wheelchair. I'm a fucking paraplegic. I don't kneed special treatment!" Ian shouted causing Lip to jump. Carl sat still. "I don't need help." Ian whispered and then looked out the window. 

When they got home Ian got out the car after Carl set out his chair. He wheeled around the back of the house and up his new ramp. He never got in the door before Liam, Debbie, Fiona and Franny were surrounding him. "We missed you" Debbie said. Then started to cry.  
"I can't believe you're home" Fiona whispered hugging his head.  
"Uncle Ian" Franny shouted. The noise was too much. He didn't mean to shout but he did. 'Get the fuck off me.' He shouted. Franny jumped and began to cry. He automatically felt bad.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't me..." He was in the middle of apologising when Debbie hushed him.  
"Its ok, we didn't mean to crowd you." She said. 

Ian went to the living room and Moved from his chair to the couch. He was not depressed or in denial. He just didn't like being around people much now. He couldn't stand the way they looked at him. Like he was strange or stupid. He batted being the way he was. "Uncle Ian can I sit with you?" A 4 year old Franny asked. Ian smiled for the first time in almost 2 months and picked up his niece. She got on his knee and spread her blanket over him and cuddled in.  
"Uncle Ian are you sick?" She asked. Is gave a soft smile.  
"Sort of. My legs are sick." Ian tried to explain.  
"Mama said you are broken" she whispered. Ian nodded. "Will you get fixed. I broke my pony and uncle lip fixed it. Maybe he can fix you too" she said. Ian laughed softly at her.  
"I wish uncle Lip could fix me" Ian said. She smiled and hugged him tight.  
“so do I” she whispered to him.

@@@

Later that night Ian sat and are dinner with his family. He didn't speak much. He just watched his family and smiled. "Hay, me and Lip are heading to the alibi, you should come and see Kev and V." He smiled. Ian thought for a moment and then smiled.  
"Sure why not. Yeah" he said, he let Lip put on his coat and Ian headed for the door. When he left Carl pushed him. He didn't protest. He didn't want Carl to feel bad. Suddenly Lips phone started ringing.  
"Hay what's up?" He asked into his phone. "Yeah we are actually going to the alibi now" he said then looked down to Ian. "See you soon then" he said hanging up.  
"Who was that?" Ian asked.  
"Umm... Mickey" Lip said.  
Ian pushed hands into the wheels causing Carl to stop. 

He looked up at Lip and sighed. "I can't go" he said. Lip shook his head.  
"No way. You are going come on" He said. Trying to get Ian to move but Ian wasn't having it.  
"I don't want him to see me like this." Ian said sadly.  
"Ian you think he gives a shit. All he has spoke about for the past 6 months is how he couldn't wait for your tour to end. And when he found out about your hip he didn't give a Shit. As long as you where alive. He fucking loves you man" Carl said. Ian shook his head again.  
"Please just let me go home. I just... I can't let him see me like this" he said. Lip sighed.  
"Let him go Carl. We can't force him" he said. Carl let his hands drop.  
"He loves you Ian. It's been 3 years since you two fixed things and he has always had hope. That someday you two will get together again" Carl said. "Just go see him. Stop being a fucking pussy." Then he walked away. Lip patted his shoulder and offered him a small smile.  
"Want me to walk you back or?" Ian shook his head.  
"Actually I think I'll just go home and go to sleep. It's been a long time since I slept in a proper bed." Ian said lip nodded and ran to catch up with Carl. Ian turned and started heading home.


	2. Hold me tonight

Ian got home and he was tired, his arms were sore, his eyes felt heavy, his head was pounding and to top it all off he couldn’t get through the lip at the back door and everyone was in bed, so instead he sat at the back door and pulled out a joint he had stolen from Lip at dinner. He sparked it and inhaled the smoke. If there was anything he missed more than Mickey it was weed. He really did miss it. He just sat letting the warm breeze of the Chicago summer whisk pass him. He missed a lot of things about home, the smell of summer was different in Chicago than it was in Syria. In Syria the sun was too hot, but the way that the Chicago sun eloped around his cheeks and warmed his skin was just right. He missed the noise in Chicago, it was loud and it was just the right amount of loud, the children laughing and playing, the neighbours shouting but not so loud you can tell what about, at war, everything is too loud, the guns, the cries, the bombs. He missed home.

 

Ian was just brewing in his thoughts, then he was pulled from them. “stop hogging and share once in a whole Gallagher.” Mickey said, Ian jumped in his chair, not that he would go very far. 

“go away Mickey” Ian simply said, Mickey laughed. 

“what, you think I’m just going to turn around and walk away because you asked me too.” Mickey said, snatching the joint from his hand.   
“at least you can walk away,” Ian mumbled, Mickey sighed and pulled a bucket up and sat on it. 

“it doesn’t change you, you know that right, your still Ian,” Mickey said handing the splif back to Ian. 

“I don’t feel like me though, I’m not me, I’m broken Mickey and I cant be fixed, I’m just going to be a problem for the rest of my life.” Ian said, Mickey turned and looked at him. 

“don’t say that Ian, no, look at me” Mickey said taking Ians face in his hand. “look at me, you are not a problem, you are still you, Ian Fucking Gallagher ok. Don’t think like that ok” Ian looked at Mickey.

“why are you here Mickey, you could have anyone now, find someone who can give you everything you want, I cant give you that” Ian whispered taking Mickeys hand. Mickey laughed and took Ians hand back.   
“your wrong, Ian you cant seriously think that because you cant fucking walk I wont love you any more, three years i’ve been waiting for you to come home so we can pick up our relationship back up and fix us.”

Ian sighed. “you don’t want this Mick, you don’t want the burden trust me, fuck sake the only reason I’m out here is because I cant get through the back fucking door” he said, Mickey didn’t mean it but he laughed. He laughed hard, Ian couldn’t help but laugh with him. “fuck you Mickey” he said through the giggles.   
“I’m sorry but you couldn’t get in the house so you got high” Mickey said, Ian laughed. “Ian, I love you. I know I never said it all those years ago when you asked me too and for that I’m sorry. Maybe if i would have just admitted it you wouldn’t be here. Maybe you would have stayed and then we would have lived happy or something” Mickey said, he looked at the ground and Ian felt horrible, how could he tell mickey to move on. If this is what he wanted? 

“I’m scared ok, that you will see how much hard work it is to be with a paraplegic and leave me. Then ill be crippled and broken hearted Mickey.” Mickey looked into Ians eyes again, blue meet green like a clear day over a field. He leaned down and kissed Ian. He Kissed Ian hard. 

“I would never leave you” Mickey whispered. 

@@@

 

Ian let mickey take him to his house. When they got their Mickey carried him up the steps and Ian didn’t protest. He carried Ian to the bedroom. Ian sighed when he got on the bed, he pulled himself up by the elbows and got to the top of the bed. Mickey gently pulled Ians jeans off. Ian looked away as Mickey took in his leg. All over his left leg there were deep purple marks and on his hip was a larger bandage that also wrapped up his back and upper thigh. Mickey traced the scars with his finger. “I know their horrible. I’m ugly” Ian said looking at the wall. 

“they’re a part of you now, so I love them.” Micky whispered. 

“the plate that landed in my hip severed my sciatic nerve, Mickey I will never be able to walk again” Ian said running his fingers through Mickeys hair. Mickey shuffled up the bed to he could lie next to Ian.   
“Ian I don’t care what the fuck is wrong with you ok. I’m just glad i’ve got you back. I missed ya’” Ian smiled, it was an actual smile. Not a forced one like he had been putting on. This was a smile that could light up a dark room and Mickey loved it.

He leaned down and Kissed Ian, it took a minuet but soon Ian kissed back, Mickey shifted from his position and hovered over him. Ian lifted a hand up to Mickeys hip s mickey used one hand yo hold his weight up and the other on Ians cheek. Then Mickey slid his tough across Ians lip and he opened allowing the kiss to deepen further. They made out like teenagers, how could they not after 3 years of being apart again. Ian moaned into Mickeys mouth and Mickey could feel his jeans tighten, then he could feel Ian palm him. He slowly pulled away. It took a minuet of Mickey looking at Ian for him to understand why. 

“it still fucking works Mickey, if it didn’t I would kill myself.” Ian said. 

“are you sure though?” Mickey said.   
“yes I’m fucking sure my dick works. Can we just... please.” Ian said, Mickey nodded. Ian ran his hand over Mickeys cheek.   
“I really want to but what about your hip Ian, what if it hurts” Mickey said. Ian sighed. 

“how can something I cant feel hurt Mickey?” Ian said softly. 

“okay, yeah” Mickey said. He leaned down for another kiss. And also took of his jeans as they did. Mickey leaned over Kissing Ians neck and Ian inhaled sharply. “I missed you so much” Mickey said. 

“I missed you too Mick.” Ian said. Ian ran his hands over Mickeys chest pulling his shirt off as he did. He moaned as Mickey started sucking on his neck. 

“Ian...” Mickey said, Ian just pulled him in for another sloppy kiss. Mickey was sure of two things in that moment. One- he loved Ian Gallagher. Two- he would always love Ian Gallagher. 

Ian pulled Mickey onto his lap, Mickey sat gently and then puled Ians erection free from his boxers. Ian moaned at the touch, “fuck Mickey is been so long” Ian cried as Mickey stroked him. Ian was wrong. It did hurt. 

“shh, its ok I got you” Mickey said, he leaned down taking Ian into his mouth, he felt his own dick twitch in his boxers.   
“mick... Mickey fuck” Ian said, he couldn’t help it it had been 3 years since he had last had any type of physical contact.

Ian pulled Mickey onto his lap, Mickey sat gently and then puled Ians erection free from his boxers. Ian moaned at the touch, “fuck Mickey is been so long” Ian cried as Mickey stroked him. 

“mick... Mickey fuck” Ian said. When Mickey started to bob his head up and down Ian felt like he was going to lose it, it just didn’t feel the same as before, it actually felt a little painful. He knew he had to get Mickey to stop or he would cry. “s..stop, Mickey it too much” Ian cried, Mikey pulled off with a plop. A tear strolled down Ian cheek and Mickey started to panic. 

“shit I’m sorry, babe don’t cry” Ian shook his head.   
“its not you it just hurts, it doesn’t feel the same Mick.” He said as another tear feel. 

“hay, its ok, its just new is all” Mickey assured Ian, he nodded. “come on, we can just lie down tonight ok, its cool” Mickey said. Ian nodded and Mickey cuddled into him. Ian felt safe here. With Mickey he felt safe and that says something because these days Ian slept with one eye open, but tonight he slept like the a baby. Like he didn’t have a care in the world.


	3. Found you

When mickey woke up the next morning he was still cuddled around Ian, the sun had come up and the light was shining on to Ians red locks of hair. 

It had been no secret that Ians hair got lighter in the summer but Ian looked different now. His hair was almost a ginger blond it was that light from all the hotter countries he had spend almost 5 years in. His freckles were also all gone. His face was no longer an alian white, it was more of a tanned red colour. 

Mickey liked it on Ian, it made him look super hot. But Mickey also noticed that now Ian looked smaller, his arms were built with muscle but his legs were no longer very strong and the muscle was soft there. His legs were scarred much like he was and he seamed more fragile mentaly.

It broke Mickeys heart to see him this way, his dreams shattered just like his hops and his spine. 

Mickey watched him breath, in and out, up and down. Making sure he was still alive because it scared him now, when he heard Ian was in an accident he was so scared that he actually convinced himself that he was dead and that he would never see him again, he would never see his smile or hear his laugh. 

And Mickey vowed that day that he would never let anything tear him and Ian apart again. Ian slowly turned in his sleep and began to stir awake, Mickey smiled as he saw those green eyes flutter open.

“morning” Mickey said, he leaned in and Kissed Ians forehead. 

“hmm” was all that Ian could respond. Mickey chuckled. He never was a morning person. 

 

“want something to eat?” Mickey asked, Ian smiled and nodded. 

“bacon and eggs, lots of eggs” Ian said. Mickey nodded and headed to the kitchen to start cooking. He turned the small radio on and started to cook. 

He made 6 slices of bacon and half a dosen eggs. Ian always did love his eggs, he also made some pancakes because he knew Ian loved them too. He put the food onto a tray, grabbed 2 cups and poured the coffee and took them into the room. 

He almost died when Ian wasn’t there, then he set the tray down. “Ian, the fuck di..” he was cut off from a large bang in the bathroom. 

He ran in pushing the door open to see Ian on the floor and some things that had clearly fallen off a shelf, he could see the red stain coming from his bandage and ran to pick Ian up.

“don’t fuckin’ touch me” Ian said. “go away” he cried, Mickey could tell he was crying. 

“Ian let me help you” Mickey whispered.

“I don’t fucking need you help, ” he said just as quiet. He used his arms to drag his limp body to the toilet seat then tried to pull himself up. 

“Ian just let me fucking help for god sake” Mickey said, Ian shook his head. 

“get the fuck out” he said not looking at Mickey. He tried to pull himself off the ground but couldn’t do it. 

“Ian just le..” he was cut off again. 

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT” he shouted. Mickey huffed and walked up to Ian grabbing him and pulling him up to his feet. He wrapped his hands around Mickeys neck and sighed. “I’m sorry” he whispered. Mickey just nodded. 

 

“were you needing the toilet?” Mickey asked. Ian nodded. Without another word Mickey pulled down Ian’s boxers and sat him on the pan. “I’ll go get your chair just please don’t move.” Mickey said. 

Ian nodded again. A few moments later Mickey was back. He helped Ian into the chair and kissed his forehead. “I love you” Mickey said. Ian looked to the floor. 

 

“You don’t need this in your life Mickey.” Ian said. Mickey sighed. “I just don’t understand why you would want to be with me any more. I’m ugly. I can’t do anything and... And I hate myself Mickey. I just don’t know if I can do this” he cried. Mickey kneeled down and looked into ian wet eyes. 

 

“Ian you are still you. Your just the same man I feel in love with. I dont care if you cant fucking walk. Id carry you for the wrest of my life if it ment i had you to my self.” Mickey lifted Ian’s chin. 

 

“if I can survive what I did you can survive this Ian. Don’t give up on yourself just yet.” Ian norder and Mickey kissed him and pushed him into the bedroom.

Mickey pulled off his bandage and cleared the scab up. It had only split but was also bleading enough to worry him. Ian insisted it had happened before and he didn't kneed to worry so Mickey just replaced the bandage and gave Ian his breakfast

 

After breakfast Ian decided he wanted to go back to bed. Mickey nodded and got in beside him since he had the day off work. They may there looking at each. Leaving lingering kisses and catching up. When Ian’s phone rang he answered. It was a very worried Debbie. He let her know he would be home soon and that he was spending the day with Mickey before hanging up. 

@@@

Mickey had started to wheel Ian home and they had decided that they would try and avoid as much attention due to the onlybpeople.knowing Ian was in a chair was the gallaghers and Mickey. Even Kevin and Veronica didn't know yet. 

That when Ian came to a revelation. Sonething that made him wish he could stop at. Mickey saw Ian straighten up. "Whats up?" Mickey asked. 

"Mickey, did you tell Mandy about me?" Ian asked. Mickey sighed. 

"I haven't spoken too her in months. She's still in Idaho with Will." Mickey said. Will was Mandy's boyfriend of 6 years. The guy was decent. He didn't beat Mandy or hit her. He didn't mistreat her and he loved her but he was a pretty serious drug dealer who had quite the cash flow.

"Shit, I should phone her Mick. She's my best friend. How did in forget to tell her." Ian said. Mickey just kept walking. He was sad. He couldn't blame his sister for leaving. He knew she deserved to be loved like he was. Even if he wasn't the best person to be around that man loved his sister and he had to admit. Will was good looking.

"No point. She didn't come home when d...terry died. Didn't come home when Tony got shot and was laid up in the hospital. Didn't come home when we needed her most" Mickey said. Ian wished he could turn and kiss Mickey and tell him she was just scared. He wished he could hold Mickeys hand and walk beside him. 

"Do you know for sure she knew about all those things though Mickey." Ian said. Mickey nodded. Ian could feel him nodding by the way his chair moved.

"Ian she's gone. A d she won't come back, not unless she had to. Or unless she needs something. She came back once like 2 years ago just after you had gone   
Back. I told her that i missed her and that shit had gone down with Svet and she took Yev to live in New York and do you know what she said to me? Kid probably wasn't mine anyway." Mickey said. 

Ian could hear his voice brake as he spoke about Yevgeny and Ian knew he hated that he only saw Yev every few months on holidays or for long weekends. Mickey had told ian all abput his son and how grown uo he was for his age. 

Told ian all about his accent and how much he smiled like Mickey, how he had his blue eyes and his small build. "I told her i had a paternity test done after the divorce and he was mine. She just said tbats a shame bro and walked out." Mickey sighed. 

"I can't wait to meet him Mick. I bet he is a lot like you too. If he is them im sure to lobe him. Does he... does he.. you know" ian trued to ask. 

"Yes ian he knows I'm gay, he also knows about you. He said that one day he wants to meet you and thabk you for making me happy again." Mickey smiled. Ian just sat back. 

"Took me a long time to love him. With how he was conceived and all but when infound out he was mine i just. I couldnt be a shit dad like mines was." Mickey said. 

Soon the werw at the gallaghers back door and Liam and Franny were out side playing ian smiled as franny ran up to him. "Uncle ian guess what. Liam used his old bike and my old buggy to make a chair like youra come see." She said. Ian rolled his chair up to see that they had actually done a good job and liam was rolling around in it.

"Sorry she said she wanted to be brake like her uncle ian and asked if i could make her one. Hope your ok with it." He said sheepishly. Ian smiled. 

"I think its pretty grate ylu helped her out kid." Ian said. Mickey smiled as he saw ian with his niece rollomg around. 

He took a minute to watch them play. He realised that yeah. Ian would need a lot of help through out his life. But he wpuld help him thrpugh it as lonh as he needed. He knew that he would never let ian feel put down or alone and would never see ian as anything other than the man he loved unconditionally and irrevocably. 

Maybe challenges would arise and he would be faced to chose between what was right and what made made him happy. He left like Ian. Gell even the Gallaghers made him happy. 

He decided thatbright now in his life. He might not have his brothers who had all moved away. Or mandy who had hidden herself in the shadows of her daddy issues. 

He mighy not have his son who he longed to love but somwhow remembered that he was born out of contempt of his love for the man he stood watching. He loved gis son. He really didn but somehow wished he was not a constant reminder of the engulfing hatered his father had kept just for mickey. 

Suddenly mickey thought. Here. Right now. Watching ian be happy with his niece and playing in his chair with her, maybe someday he will find the real reason that   
Ian Gallagher stole his heart. Maybe he will have more than just a fading memory of what family is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading x 
> 
> Let me know in the comments what you thought


End file.
